The reason crime doesn't pay is that when it does, it is called a more respectable name.

A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.

My problem is I say what I'm thinking before I think what I'm saying.

If the outcome is good, what's the difference between motives that sound good and good, sound motives?

Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath-not so hot once you get accustomed to it.

Only mediocrities rise to the top in a system that won't tolerate wave making.

There are two sorts of losers - the good loser, and the one who can't act.