A bureaucrat's idea of cleaning up his files is to make a copy of every paper before he destroys it.

Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath-not so hot once you get accustomed to it.

When you see yourself quoted in print and you’re sorry you said it, it suddenly becomes a misquotation.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Only mediocrities rise to the top in a system that won't tolerate wave making.

The man who is always waving the flag usually waives what it stands for.

When a New Yorker looks like he has a suntan, it's probably rust.