I'm nicer on tax day than I am when I'm on deadline.

You're fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is power in the shimmy! Make him fear your shimmy! Now, goddamnit, show me your war shimmy!

I bought an electric-powered chain saw with a plug-in cord so if I run away fast enough, you can only chase me so far.

I'm nicer on tax day than I am when I'm on deadline.

I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.

Small towns are sometimes like that; familiarity runs high, while regard for personal space is low, if nonexistent.

My family were staunch believers in physical violence, not automatic violence, and we had a Safeway around the corner, so we never really needed to kill anything.