I'm nicer on tax day than I am when I'm on deadline.

If you really believe in what you're doing, work hard, take nothing personally, and if something blocks your route, find another. Never give up.

My family were staunch believers in physical violence, not automatic violence, and we had a Safeway around the corner, so we never really needed to kill anything.

Everyone knows there's only one thing less welcome on a stage than a mime, and that's a clown, because everyone knows that clowns eat people.

I've never really considered doing stand up, but I have done readings/spoken word things fairly often in which I'll just tell a bunch of stories and run off at the mouth. I'm a big tangent person.

I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.

I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.