In case of a thunderstorm, stand in the middle of the fairway and hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.

I got no pride on the hole. It's a par-5 and I play it that way. A four is a birdie.

When it comes to the game of life, I figure I've played the whole course.

I thought I'd blown it at the 17th when I drove into a trap. God is a Mexican.

My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.

You have to understand, I don't play golf for fun. It's my business. When the mailman starts delivering mail on his off day, that's when I'll start playing golf for the hell of it. I like to play in tournaments. There are many great courses around the world that I have never played that are next door to tournaments. I have not played them because I don't play for fun.

I'm not a real smart guy. But I've got enough brains to realize that when I'm 60 years old and play a sport, that it's downhill.