I thought I'd blown it at the 17th when I drove into a trap. God is a Mexican.

I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

A hungry dog hunts best.

There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars.

Chi Chi Rodriguez had as good a pair of hands as anybody I ever saw, and more shots than you can imagine. But Chi Chi had a habit of turning simple shots into difficult ones.