When it comes to the game of life, I figure I've played the whole course.

I got no pride on the hole. It's a par-5 and I play it that way. A four is a birdie.

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.

No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine.

A rough should have high grass. When you go bowling they don't give you anything for landing in the gutter, do they?

Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say, "Man, we shot 66!" But go out and shoot 77, and they say "Hell, he shot 77!"

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.