My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.

You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.

I'm not a real smart guy. But I've got enough brains to realize that when I'm 60 years old and play a sport, that it's downhill.

My family was so poor the lady next door gave birth to me.

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

I'm not out there just to be dancing around. I expect to win every time I tee up.