Chi Chi Rodriguez had as good a pair of hands as anybody I ever saw, and more shots than you can imagine. But Chi Chi had a habit of turning simple shots into difficult ones.

Two things that are not long for this world: dogs that chase cars and professional golfers who putt for pars.

I got no pride on the hole. It's a par-5 and I play it that way. A four is a birdie.

To me, the [British] Open is the tournament I would come to if I had to leave a month before and swim over.

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.

His nerve, his memory, and I can't remember the third thing.

Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.