Two things that are not long for this world: dogs that chase cars and professional golfers who putt for pars.

In case of a thunderstorm, stand in the middle of the fairway and hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.

I'm actually a very quiet person off the golf course. I talk 150 miles per hour when I'm at the course, but when in private I very seldom ever open my mouth.

If you've ever driven across Texas, you know how different one area of the state can be from another. Take El Paso. It looks as much like Dallas as I look like Jack Nicklaus

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

I didn't want to change the name on the towels.

I'm hitting the driver so good I gotta dial the operator for long distance after I hit it.