Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.

I've seen enough crazy shots to know they happen in the best of families.

In case of a thunderstorm, stand in the middle of the fairway and hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.

If it wasn't for golf, I don't know what I'd be doing. If my IQ had been two points lower, I'd have been a plant somewhere.

I love Merion and I don't even know her last name.

Nobody but you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.