I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

I got no pride on the hole. It's a par-5 and I play it that way. A four is a birdie.

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.

No one who ever had lessons would have a swing like mine.

Golf isn't just my business, it's my hobby.

I believe in reincarnation. In my last life I was a peasant. Next time around, I'd like to be an eagle. Who hasn't dreamed they could fly? They're a protected species, too.

I thought Manual Labor was a Mexican golf pro.