I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play.

When it comes to the game of life, I figure I've played the whole course.

Two things that are not long for this world: dogs that chase cars and professional golfers who putt for pars.

My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

How can they beat me? I've been struck by lightning, had two back operations, and been divorced twice.

Grizzly Adams did have a beard.