When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system.

You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.