I want to perform an unnatural act.

Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.

Communism is just one big telephone company.

There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.

You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.

Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.

I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever.