Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.

Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.

Sex and obscenity are not synonymous.

I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.