Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.

Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system.