Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I'm playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.

There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' " I didn't know what I was goin' to do.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.

I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.