Once you take away the struggle for food, clothing and shelter, work is the one four letter word that offends everyone.

There are never enough I Love You's.

If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.