What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.

The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.