If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!

There are never enough I Love You's.

Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. That's what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is - One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.