I wanted out of the navy so bad in '45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn't matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

I know what "custody" [of the children] means. "Get even." That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.