Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.

I wanted out of the navy so bad in '45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn't matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene.

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy.

Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.