Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish