I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.

The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.

If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish