Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. That's what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is - One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.