Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

Communism is like one big phone company.

Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.

If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.

Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.