Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

The reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address.

Do your part to silence gossip - don't repeat it.

Any sport that comes from Scotland is good!

It's been dawning on me slowly that for the past 35 years I have been cast against type, and I'm finally getting to do what I really wanted to do.

The actual distance a bad golfer is going to hit the ball with any club obviously depends on many factors, not the least of which is whether the ball was actually hit at all.

Today, in my career, I'm doing what I love to do. And that is, do things for the fun - do comedy. It's a pleasure to go for the laughter.