I love anything that gets me outside of my own head.

I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else.

If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .

In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs.

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.

I think inevitably over the course of my lifetime there's been an underestimation of the American people, and I believe they are really the ones that give me hope. There's so much of "they don't know this, and they don't know that," and they're always denigrating.

FEMA I always thought was a bone here in your ass.