I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.

The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.

I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.

Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know -- because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful.

Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots.

The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either.

Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week.