I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.

How our government works... it doesn't.

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.

The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really?

Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.

There's a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don't think that's what Christ was talking about.

Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits.