I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.

It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!

It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating.

I don't buy the 'at 60 it's great to have kids' thing. I don't buy the line that has been thrown down - 'You can have a kid at any time.' That doesn't mean you should.

You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal.

I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes

FEMA I always thought was a bone here in your ass.