You've got to be stupid to heckle me - I am very equipped to win.

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.

This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.

Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream.

Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.

My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes