If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them.

A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that.

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.

Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.

I hammer on a theme until I'm tired of it and the audience is tired of it.

It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating.

Everybody's always asking me about my blood pressure. They did an interview once where they hooked me up to a blood pressure machine and they'd rile me. I'd yell and scream, and then it would just go back to normal in a few minutes. Everything else is probably rotting, but the blood pressure is spectacular.