If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself.

Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.

I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.

My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes

I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on.