Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation

You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.

My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.

I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation.

If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.

The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die.

The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.