Jesse Ventura is basically proof that the people of Minnesota are not social drinkers... they are obviously alcoholics.
Lewis BlackNo matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.
Lewis BlackThen there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
Lewis BlackIf the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.
Lewis Black