You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.

A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that.

If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.

The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised. And there's a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there's a ton of it left over.

The fear of health care changing is beyond belief. Like there's a way to make the system worse. Really?

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

The thing is, whenever I see Hillary Clinton, I feel like I have to vote for her. She makes me feel guilty because I feel like I should vote for her so that she'll feel better about herself because she'd been in such a bad marriage.