Janeane Garofalo ended up, in a sense, being pushed by the media into becoming a pundit.

Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.

I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation.

My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.

When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.

When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you could hear pigs being slaughtered. Women were weeping and men were gnashing their teeth, and there were sounds so horrible that I cannot repeat them to you, or you would flee from this room in horror!

If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.