He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.

I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.

I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.

I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been.

You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.

The Droid I had actually seemed to have free will, which I thought was interesting.

Every other civilized country has determined when life begins and it's something that eludes us. We've got things that have to be done! "We didn't fix that bridge because you are all down at the meeting house discussing abortion again."