He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.

A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!

There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.

Janeane Garofalo ended up, in a sense, being pushed by the media into becoming a pundit.

The reason I like socialism is that it's kind of enforced Christianity. It's basically very Christian, in the sense of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." These people have nothing, so you have to share.

Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.