I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"
Lewis BlackWhen we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is.
Lewis BlackI can be drunk until 6 in the morning, and then I don't have to show up to work until 14 hours later.
Lewis BlackI've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.
Lewis BlackEarth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever f@*! imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we'd have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on.
Lewis BlackI believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.
Lewis Black