The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either.

Going up to Canada is great because I'm not dealing with people carrying their agendas into the room. I'm lucky because 97% of the people who come to the show know who they are dealing with, whether they are on the left or the right, we're sharing the same frustration.

Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots.

You look at my audience, and it proves what Congress thinks America is, is wrong. I get people across the political spectrum. Parents and kids come and they're all punked out, and there are these other guys in John Deere caps.

If you want to get an audience quiet, just say "abortion" and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.

I like my friends because they make me feel normal, even though I'm not.

My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road.