This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big scar story. I really have no major scars.

I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.

What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group.

You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.

My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.

Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.

I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.