You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.

I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.

I have N'Sync and Aerosmith and Britney Spears. I have a trifecta from hell.

A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!