I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on.

I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.

Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff was always of a very high quality, because back then we didn't have business majors peddling lower-quality stuff in an effort to increase profits.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

I watch some CNN and a lot of Fox, because it helps me get irritated.

I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. And as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us... was nuts! And for the first time ever, I went, 'Wow, it's not me!'

Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation