There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

I feel the need to scream, and even if the scream is not answered, I find my sanity in the echo.

sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers

I never write anything down. I write onstage.

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.

There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye.