My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together, they worked really only until they were sixty.

See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from.

I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth.

If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself.

There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power.

If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.

Usually I'm too tired to apologize.