One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

These people [the Christians] watched the Flintstones as if it were a documentary.

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.

It's amazing what I could've written in my life if I had realized that I should keep writing and not masturbating.

sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers

This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a Muslim or having an abortion, then what are you worried about? You don't need to try and convert these people or try and save them. If you really believe in your religion, these people are already doomed, so stop worrying about them.