If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.

I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.

Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem...

I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.

I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to this party and do some networking?"

I feel the need to scream, and even if the scream is not answered, I find my sanity in the echo.

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'