Some people have religion as a means of solace. But, I had a dreidel, so that was out.

My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together, they worked really only until they were sixty.

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.

I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.

You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.

I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they'd be doing something that was really, really creepy.

You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal.