The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die.

These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!

Now, they say that New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know -- because after 22 hours on a plane any landmass would be beautiful.

You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?

I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. And as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us... was nuts! And for the first time ever, I went, 'Wow, it's not me!'

I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug that would make one so delusional?