I'm constantly in fear of having a stroke.

When you're done [with writing a book], people tell you "Well, gee, I'm not interested." "Great, I'm glad I sat down and wrote this!"

It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!

It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler!

When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping.

I never write anything down. I write onstage.

I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on.