My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.

Janeane Garofalo ended up, in a sense, being pushed by the media into becoming a pundit.

Self-love is a big part of golf.

You're on Facebook, and these people seem to have endless lives. I don't have time to live my life, let alone tell you what I'm doing, or post a photo.

If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold and see if he climbs down any chimneys tonight. Good luck. And since we're a family that isn't lucky enough to have a chimney, how would Santa get into our house? Does he bring a locksmith with him? And it probably would have to be a Jewish locksmith, because a Christian locksmith is going to want to be home with his family. And how many Jewish locksmiths are there? None.

I love anything that gets me outside of my own head.