This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a Muslim or having an abortion, then what are you worried about? You don't need to try and convert these people or try and save them. If you really believe in your religion, these people are already doomed, so stop worrying about them.

How long can we go without real leadership? It's like an experiment. It's [a problem with] both parties, it's beyond belief.

You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.

You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.

My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes

It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?

One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich.